Hello again 🙂
So the last couple of days have been tough for me. Normally I am strong enough to ignore the negativity surrounding my life but lately I’ve been unable to do this. I am 20 years old now and I’m finding it particularly difficult to cope with my MRKH this year. A couple of people I know are having babies and I know as I get older, more and more of my friends will be getting pregnant and I won’t be able to share their joy like I should be able to. Women getting pregnant never bothered me until earlier this year as I felt like I wasn’t ready yet anyway. I am not ready yet now also, but it’s the thought that I could be pregnant right now if I didn’t have MRKH. I have recently begun volunteering at a school for autistic children and have received much happiness from my experiences with the kids. One little boy loves to play by being spun around and held upside down and has the biggest smile on his face while doing so. A child’s smile just make my day and I imagine what it would be like to see my own child one day smiling up at me.
Sometimes I wish I was one of those girls who didn’t want kids so I wouldn’t have to put myself through all this pain and sadness. But this pain and sadness could only make me stronger, I just have to figure out how.
Love ForeverFaithful xox
Well, it has been quite a while since I wrote my last post! Uni assignments got the better of me I think. A while ago on April 5th I went to another MRKH meeting at the Sydney Royal Women’s Hospital. I enjoyed it more than I did the first meeting as I got a lot more out of it. I was fortunate enough to hear other women’s surrogacy stories which was music to my ears. I definitely would like to try surrogacy when i’m older. I know it will be the toughest chapter of my life but I know that it will be worth it, no matter the cost or how long it takes. My mother also shared her view of having a daughter with MRKH and how it has impacted on our lives together. She was so brave to speak to everyone and I knew just by looking around the room, that she touched everyones heart 🙂 I’m very proud to call her my mother ❤
The next meeting will be in November so Im hoping I’ll be able to attend as I think their will be more talk about the specific laws, regulations and costs involved in surrogacy. I’m leaving for 2 months in Europe at the end of November so I’m hoping the meeting is in the beginning of November, but if not I have plenty of time to learn about surrogacy in the next 10 years. I’m sure the laws will change over time anyway. It’s funny as my boyfriend has had a few dreams with the two of us and two young children; a boy and a girls who are twins. These children have been the same in each of his dreams and he has told me that the boy’s personality is like mine and the girl’s personality is like his. Before he told me he was having these dreams, I always felt that if I had any children they would only be twins. My boyfriend and I have even come up with names lol, Liam for a boy and Rosie or Aurora for a girl 🙂 I have not had any of these dreams but I hope to one day and to even have these dreams come true 🙂
I realised a few days ago that I was basing every important decision in my life on the costs of surrogacy. For example, I put so much more pressure on myself in each uni assessment as my philosophy is that if I don’t do well, then I can kiss my dreams of surrogacy goodbye. I think for a long time, the fear of not being able to afford the surrogacy process has been unconsciously bothering me but it’s only now that I’ve realised that it has been bothering me. I’m getting to the stage where I’m closer to my future career and I’m worried it’s not going to happen. However, surrogacy is a “we” process and not an “I” process. For me though, I feel that my boyfriend shouldn’t have to bear the majority of the costs as it’s not his fault that I can’t have children. I told him this and he said that I was just being silly and that it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t have children either. I know that he is right, but I still cant help the way I feel. I know I am strong enough to get past my irrational thoughts surrounding surrogacy and I am determined to stop myself from thinking this way.
Bye for now, Forever Faithful xox