Hi all 🙂
I am a 20 year old Australian woman and am also a university student studying psychology. This is my first blog I’ve ever written so here goes 🙂
Sooo, I have this invisible condition known as MRKH which occurs in about 1 in every 5000 girls and I won haha! Sometimes seeing the irony in this is needed to get through the difficult parts. Each case of MRKH is different but in my case, I was born without a uterus and a cervix. I do however, have two ovaries and partial fallopian tubes which is great as this means I can choose to try surrogacy with my own eggs if I wanted to. I found out about myself when I was 15 years old, but I always knew something was wrong.
Like most girls with MRKH, I also found out due to not having my period yet so I went to the doctors and they sent me to get an ultrasound done. I was the last patient booked in to have an ultrasound. I remember a pregnant woman went in before me and they took forever, and Im sitting there waiting with a full bladder wishing them to hurry up lol. When my turn finally came, the lady looked very confused and when I saw the screen was practically black where my uterus should have been, I knew it wasn’t right. Mum began questioning the lady and she said that she had to go make a call. As we waited, I felt my heart practically fall into my stomach, just praying that there was a mistake. When the lady returned, mum demanded her tell us what was wrong. She said that she could not find my uterus which meant that I could never get pregnant. My whole world literally crashed around me and I felt numb, I couldnt even cry I was that stunned.
An MRI was next which confirmed my lack of uterus and also confirmed my ovaries were working perfectly 🙂 However, it also showed that I did not have a cervix which meant that if I did nothing to fix this, then I would not have a normal sex life. So to me at 15, this was a lot to take in! I mean, I wasnt even thinking about sex yet! I was told that the treatment would be either surgery or dilation. The thought of someone performing an operation on my vagina just made me physically sick. I opted for dilation but didn’t actually start properly till I was 17 as mentally it became extremely exhausting for me, as many MRKH sister would know.
This tragedy affected all areas of my life, as much as I tried not to let it. I began to withdraw myself from my friends and family and unconsciously began eating a bit more than I normally did. I had that “fuck it” attitude where basically i was like, “oh well I have been dealt a bad hand so this is my excuse for allowing myself to do something I normally wouldn’t.” I became very depressed and anxious from the fear of what was to come as well as if people ever found out. I eventually admitted that I needed help so I went and saw a psychologist who helped me through some tough times and gave me techniques on how to cope with MRKH.
At the time of my diagnosis I had a boyfriend but I just couldn’t tell him what was wrong. It wasn’t because I couldnt trust him, he was a nice guy, but the point was he was a boy and the thought of telling a boy scared the crap out of me. I ended up breaking up with him as I could no longer cope with a relationship. Since then I have told 3 guys and all 3 I have had positive responses from 🙂 The third is my current boyfriend who has been an amazing support base for me and has stuck by me through everything. We have been dating for 19 months and I believe is the love of my life and I honestly dont know what I would do without him ❤ He is the only guy I’ve told about the sex part of MRKH, as if I choose to tell someone, I only say the not being able to have kids part. I can happily say now that I can have a normal sex life 🙂 So at least half of my MRKH can be ticked off as being fixed haha!
Recently, I went to an MRKH meeting at the Royal Womens hospital in Sydney and was finally able to speak to other women face-to-face who are just like me! I found the whole meeting very overwhelming and was emotional for the most part but I’m glad I went. I just felt so much emotional energy around me which made it difficult for me to keep my emotions under control. We were educated more about MRKH and had the privilege to hear from some highly qualified doctors who specialise in the female anatomy. We also heard other women’s stories about their struggles with MRKH and the positive stories of adoption and surrogacy successes 🙂 It really gave me hope that things will be okay in the future 🙂
I always will have my good days and bad days, but the good days are forever increasing 🙂 The most important thing I have learned through my experiences by having MRKH is to NEVER let it run your life.
Love ForeverFaithful xx